How do I make a text less patronising?
Posted: 23 May 2007, 14:51
Dear Lucy,
I am sorry to bother you again. However, I need to be able to re-word the following text so that it seems less patronising to learners of English;
'Pay rent and all bills on time. There are various aspects to household bills. To begin, the bill arrives. No-one wants to look at it, off course - especially the electricity bill at the end of a long cold winter when you’ve spent a lot of time at home pretending to study. So it needs to be put somewhere where it won’t just disappear - have a box or a clipboard or some spot for all money things that isn’t going to turn into a rubbish pile or get buried under old newspapers. A good system is a household concertina file with sections for the various bills, receipts, letters to the agent etc.
Then a responsible brave person - preferably appointed to this job - must check the current bill and claim the appropriate contributions, no doubt in a mess of cash and pieces of allegedly convertible paper. This can involve much chasing of flatmates and is a fairly thankless business.
Then as the due date approaches, the bill must be paid. With most bills there are various ways. A good way is to have it all in cash and pay across the counter at the post office. This gives you a receipt, which is most important and always should be kept - you never know when you are going to need to prove what you have paid, or to unravel contributions. The really efficient household will also give receipts to
one another as contributions are put in'. (Taken from Norris, Ortenburg & Norris, 2000, p. 49)'.
Do you have any suggestions regarding how it could be re-worded or not?
Yours,
I am sorry to bother you again. However, I need to be able to re-word the following text so that it seems less patronising to learners of English;
'Pay rent and all bills on time. There are various aspects to household bills. To begin, the bill arrives. No-one wants to look at it, off course - especially the electricity bill at the end of a long cold winter when you’ve spent a lot of time at home pretending to study. So it needs to be put somewhere where it won’t just disappear - have a box or a clipboard or some spot for all money things that isn’t going to turn into a rubbish pile or get buried under old newspapers. A good system is a household concertina file with sections for the various bills, receipts, letters to the agent etc.
Then a responsible brave person - preferably appointed to this job - must check the current bill and claim the appropriate contributions, no doubt in a mess of cash and pieces of allegedly convertible paper. This can involve much chasing of flatmates and is a fairly thankless business.
Then as the due date approaches, the bill must be paid. With most bills there are various ways. A good way is to have it all in cash and pay across the counter at the post office. This gives you a receipt, which is most important and always should be kept - you never know when you are going to need to prove what you have paid, or to unravel contributions. The really efficient household will also give receipts to
one another as contributions are put in'. (Taken from Norris, Ortenburg & Norris, 2000, p. 49)'.
Do you have any suggestions regarding how it could be re-worded or not?
Yours,