And the funniest TEFL blog award goes to…

There are a suprising number of TEFL blogs that make me giggle (you can find them under “Funny TEFL blogs” on my links page), but now that Chase Me Ladies is no longer TEFLing, the TEFLtastic prize for funniest TEFL blog will probably have to go to English Teacher X.

Like all comic geniuses (or should that be genii from the Latin?) though, the writer has quite a lot of off days. For example, I found teaching Russian slappers funny for about 10 minutes, and that’s about all I can handle reading about them as well. Luckily for you, I’ve trawled through the whole site and come up with the best bits so you can snigger about them on the teachers’ room computer and then say “Nothing, just an email from my brother” when people ask you why you are giving off an evil laugh:

The Vent Approach

Checklist for Potential Teachers

- my favourite question, probably asked by all Japanese schools, being “Was the applicant attractive and outgoing enough that students will like him / her despite the fact that he’s an inexperienced idiot who can’t tell a verb from a vowel?”

Asian Culture and You- A Quick Guide

Favourite bits- “The first thing to be careful about is your physical appearance. This is vital in Asian cultures. The first and most important thing is that you must resemble, as much as possible, Leonardo Di Capprio…

Also, try not to stink…

Your facial expression is also of great importance. Not smiling will certainly offend a great number of your students. Smiling, on the other hand, will probably offend them too… A terrified grimace is probably the best solution. It will at least match your students’ expressions.

…There are also some important rules of conduct in the classroom. The first and most important rule of Asian culture is that you must never ask a person a question that they don’t already know the answer to. Otherwise you will be making them lose face- a very offensive and serious matter in Asian culture. It’s equally important not to ask someone a question that they DO know the answer to, as you will then also be making them lose face as well as boring them, and establishing yourself as inferior to them…

In short, each and every thing you attempt to do is likely to cause the students to lose face, or for you to lose face. Failing to do certain things, however, is a sure way to cause them to lose face, or for you to lose face, which will cause them to lose face. Nothing is more face-losing than being taught by someone who has lost face. At the same time, having students who have lost face may cause you to lose more face, and a vicious circle may ensue from which one will never recover.

The best way to solve this problem is to stay home, keep working at the Kinko’s copy shop and just go to an Asian restaurant for lunch every once in a while.”

Three more good reasons not to teach English

Not the best post, but does have this gem:

“Most students have rather complex feelings about English. Very love-hate.
I offer this metaphor.

Imagine you are a 30ish American businessman with a wife and kids. You’re living relatively happily in some large American city.

Then Imagine that suddenly Kenya or Pakistan becomes the most powerful country in the world.

Every film in the local multiplex is from Kenya or Pakistan. Your children listen to nothing except music from Kenya or Pakistan. You suddenly find your job is in danger because you don’t have a good grasp of Swahili or Urdu. The traditions and values of your country are beginning to be replaced by those of Pakistan and Kenya. Most people wear traditional Pakistani or Kenyan clothes. If you don’t, you feel stupid.

Now are you going to go to your Swahili or Urdu lessons smiling happily? ” 

And no doubt plenty more gems further down the Teacher Tips page, but the way the evil laughs shake my skull starts to give me a headache after a while so that’s as far as I got…

Tags: Humour

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 11:31 pm and is filed under Chase me ladies, Englishteacherx, Teaching English in Asia, TEFL blogs, TESOL. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.