Slogans for crap English schools
1. “Officially the blondest teachers of any school in Japan/ China/ Taiwan etc”
2. “We’ve never changed because we are perfect”
3. “Come and see the new batch of teachers, fresh off the plane”
4. “The youth of our teachers makes up for the age of our building/ methodology/ technology/ wallpaper/ receptionists etc”
5. “Just like you, we like our teachers raw and young”
6. “Unlike other schools, all our teachers leave before they get bitter”
7. “Voted most improved school two years in a row* (*1977 and 1978)”
8. “Scandal free for 423 days”
9. “Anyone is good enough to date our teachers”
10. “Our books/ cassette recorders/ desks are valuable antiques”
11. “Much improved since last year”
12. “All charges were dropped”
13. “We keep wages low so you can study on the cheap”
14. “We keep our teachers keen by making them feel insecure”
15. “With prices this cheap, it’s worth studying even if you don’t have any interest in English at all”
16. “We don’t have any keen students who will make you feel bad”
17. “The cheapest place in town to spend two hours somewhere with aircon/ heating/ someone to listen to your problems”
18. “Our conversation classes are cheaper than therapy and less judgemental than confession”
19. “Our overdraft means we are always eager to please.”
20. “We don’t waste your money on heating/ photocopies/ paint/ teachers with lots of qualifications”
21. “If you don’t want to put any effort into your studies, we won’t make you”
22. “The Direct Method was good enough for your grandfather, so it’s good enough for you”
23. “Have the same teachers that your parents liked so much when they were your age- they’re all still here!”
24. “Guaranteed not to waste your time with warmers”
25. “Much cheaper than the training your staff needs”
Tags: Humour, Lists, Professionalism
September 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
26. “We recycle you old English books too.”
27. “Tests?”
28. “Conversation classes: if you are not confident… just don’t speak.”
29. “Our busses will take you to piano class too.”
30. “We do not use computers because that is not our ‘style’.”
31. “We have video cameras in every classroom, so everybody can see.”
32. “Is the teacher White? Is he from the US? Is he under 27? No we don’t need an interview, just send him over.”
33. “We fire our foreign teachers after 11 months to save money.”
34. “We don’t hire qualified teachers, they may want to make us teach something.”
35. “Our foreign teacher works well with the local teachers, he has spent the night with each.”
36. “Our English books are very colorful.”
I think I have been a teacher for too long… I could write 100 in no time.
September 7th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Oh, go on- do!
Especially laughed at 26,27, 30 and, best of all, 28
September 8th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
37. “Everybody in charge is good-looking and speaks some English”
38. “Who needs expertise when there’s money to save?”
39. “Our very talented translators and secretaries are there to tell everybody how English REALLY should be taught.”
40. “You love the 80s? Welcome to our institute! With our original 80s teaching methods AND books you can live your favourite era all over again!”
41. “We are family. Say Hi to your new mother-in-law!”
42. “No room, no chairs, no books? Why not pay for a chat in the hallway. It’s in ENGLISH!!”
43. “From 0 to TOEFL in 6 months? NO PROBLEM!!”
44. “No homework, no studying, just come to our classes once a week and you’ll be fluent in NO TIME. Guaranteed!”
September 8th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Loved 40 and 42. Keep ‘em coming!