25 ways to be the best TEFLer you can be
1. Only write in phonemic script
If you have to teach everyone else the script before they can read your will, medical reports etc, all the better!
2. Limit everything you write to Elementary level vocabulary
i.e. make sure your diary, wedding speech, job application letter, thesis, suicide note etc only use the simplest 300 English words
3. Never forget your worst lessons
There is no better way of motivating you to improve your future lessons than re-experiencing the embarrassment, discomfort and humiliation of the time when 20 minutes of Silent Way miming was met with silent stares then one student asking “Can we check our homework now?” If you don’t naturally have the kind of personality that dwells on such experiences, you could try and organize a teaching confessions workshop
4. Become a Buddhist
Not, as you might think, to help you relax through meditation (feeling paranoid about your next class is a great motivator), but rather to help you give up all desires for money, material comfort, ambition etc. This will prevent disappointment from the lack of these in a TEFL career interfering with your motivation and hence with your teaching.
5. Be positive/ Block out all negativity
Like a starting position in a negotiation, if you want to act like you really believe your two year old students will learn English before they learn their own language or how to control their bodily fluids, you should start by trying to convince yourself they will be chatting about relativity in L2 in no time. Ditto for your 75 year old false beginners dealing with English and Alzheimers and finally remembering the phrase “How do you spell it?” See this post for ideas of positive motivational mottos to mutter to yourself on the train to work.
6. Marry a fellow TEFLer
What could be more romantic than swapping warmer ideas over your cornflakes after “Getting To Know You Games” in the bedroom? Works for John and Liz Soars, who have a famously active love life even after 65 years of TEFL marriage- just don’t go to sleep before making your peace after yet more smashed plates when arguing about corpus linguistics vs native speaker intuition
7. Write all your boardwork up on different whiteboards before the beginning of the lesson
And then carry them into the classroom and attach them to the wall one by one as you need them
8. Track down all your students’ old English teachers back to primary school or kindergarten
… and check what things they studied and what TEFL games they already know
9. Choose your wedding presents carefully
Digital voice recorder- check! Laminator- check! Etc.
10. Speak slowly and carefully at all times
…including with other native speakers. Who, after all, could object to speaking clearly?
11. Only read literature as graded readers
12. Never switch off
13. Only watch movies about teachers
14. Put textbook listenings on your iPod
15. Only read newspaper articles you can use in class
16. Have Swan’s Practical English Usage as your toilet read
17. Only date people who have Elementary level English and no other shared language with you
18. Practice your grammar correction techniques on your friends and family
19 Write regular letters to newspapers and the BBC correcting journalists’ grammar
20. Move house so you live between two districts of local TEFL teaching associations and so can attend both of their meetings
21. Arrange your honeymoon so you can attend the annual TESOL conference in that country
22. Start a fan club of your favourite TEFL writer
23. Collect personal mementos of TEFL celebrities
24. Insist your cocktail party guests play Find Someone Who and 20 Questions
25. Correct all incorrect signs and notices you see
This is a sequel of sorts to 25 Ways of Getting Away with Being a Crap English Teacher.
Tags: Humour, Lists, Professionalism
September 3rd, 2008 at 3:57 pm
OMG – it’s only been three weeks, but this list had me in tears I was laughing so hard.
Just today I found myself grading down my language when talking to a guy from California. LOL.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Just surfing and came across your site. I must admit it got my attention, but, for the life of me I cant figure out what the hell a tefler is. A school? Whats so special that it attracts foriegn techers and abuses them, Spaniard soldiers? Exactly how do I find out about the Teflers?
February 20th, 2009 at 10:47 am
What is a TEFLer, otherwise known as a 4-weeker or just plain loser?
10 ways to recognise a TEFLer:
1 By their poor, unfashionable and shabby clothing.
2 Their lack of homewonership and lack of pension and savings.
3 Their idea of a holiday is to go home and sponge off their parents.
4 Their lack of a car.
5 If married they are married to someone from a developing country.
6 Low motivation and lack of any other skills.
7 Have a useless degree like art history or sociology.
8 Often talk about doing a real teaching course like a PGCE but never will.
9 Usually have a drink problem.
10 Their past is usually murky and something went seriously wrong in their lives-that is why they went into TEFL.
February 20th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Ha, Jim – a little too close to the truth for some, I guess! As for me, and whether I fit the bill, here goes…
1 By their poor, unfashionable and shabby clothing. [I pride myself in the fact that I buy all my clothes according to the following two criteria. Is it cheap? Is if unfashionable? If so, it's a purchase!]
2 Their lack of homewonership and lack of pension and savings. [Sorry, but I have both!]
3 Their idea of a holiday is to go home and sponge off their parents. [Oops! Must try somewhere else this year!]
4 Their lack of a car. [Sorry - we have one, soon to be two]
5 If married they are married to someone from a developing country. [Ooh dear, quite close to the truth again - but 2nd world, not 3rd!]
6 Low motivation and lack of any other skills. [Agree with the first, but not the second. Although my wife says...]
7 Have a useless degree like art history or sociology. [Or Political Science?!]
8 Often talk about doing a real teaching course like a PGCE but never will. [Well, I actually went ahead and actually did it!]
9 Usually have a drink problem. [Not me, squire!]
10 Their past is usually murky and something went seriously wrong in their lives-that is why they went into TEFL. [Wrong again]
So, how do I come out – four out of ten? Not bad, eh!
February 20th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Uh Sandy if something didn’t go wrong with your life how come you were seeing a counsellor?
February 20th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Jim:
What a load of crap – please speak for yourself.
Alex:
You should ban this loser, as he’s added nothing of value to any of our discussions here.
February 21st, 2009 at 12:01 am
TEFLista:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkycopPasVg&feature=related
February 21st, 2009 at 1:44 am
hahaha… yes, time for a breather — good suggestion…
February 21st, 2009 at 1:16 pm
How many did you score TEFLista? What a load of crap? A bit like the crap you wrote about needing an MA to teach in the Middle East?
February 21st, 2009 at 1:23 pm
10 ways to recognise a TEFLer:
A few more:
11 They moan endlessly about if only they could earn enough to live in Thailand/vietnam etc. but of course they cannot as it is flooded with backpackers/TEFLers who keep wages down.
12 They usually have backpacks and if they own ties they are cheap and nasty.
13 They spend a lot of time on the Internet emailing their TEFLy friends about jobs and fantasy jobs.
14 Many of the men are gay.
15 They are usually very cheap and have low spending power.
February 21st, 2009 at 3:41 pm
16 They talk about doing an MA but usually don’t have the time, money or interest.
17 They are great believers in that one great job out there and are always on Daves or tefl.com
18 A look at their favourites list and you will see Daves, tefl.com for sure.
19 They always have a laptop.
20 The clothes! For men: jogging trousers, trainers, crappy cheap shirts, apalling tie if they have to wear one,