Your DoS’s RMCITE (aka Nick’s Scale of Awesomeness)

A guest piece by Nick Jaworski of Turklish TEFL blog

“Do you ever wonder why your Director of Studies likes others and not you? Do you ever get the feeling you’re being measured against some unknown scale? Well, this is because it’s true. We managers employ a highly refined set of criteria to judge the worthiness of our employees. It is only shared in secret meetings that we hold deep down below the bowels of the schools. Outsiders can never gain access as they are unaware of the sacred handshake.

But today is your lucky day. I’ve decided to break the code of silence that has kept this information secret for hundreds of years. I present to you the Revised Management Consultation Index for Teachers of English, more commonly referred to as Nick’s Scale of Awesomeness (of course simply replace Nick with your own manager’s name).

Buying Nick lunch- 10 points

Buying Nick a beer after work- 20 points (Discerning readers will notice the advantage of the cheaper option worth more points)

Helping students out in the office when Nick is busy- 10 points

Lesson planning together with other teachers- 20 points

Not being a wanker- 30 points (This is important)

Not being Scottish*- 20 points

Not having a name starting with “J”- 10 points

Using drama in your class- 20 points

Knowing how to turn on the computer- 10 points

Checking your email daily- 10 points

Responding promptly to sent emails- 20 points

Getting on Twitter- 30 points (Bonus points for developing your PLN)

Not coming in hungover- 20 points

Covering classes on short notice because someone quit, Nick needs to move some teachers around, or Nick needs to open a class immediately because whiny students threaten to pull out if it doesn’t start right now-  30 points

Coming to workshops because you want to improve, not because you think you have to- 20 points

Realizing the book is an aide, not a daily lesson plan- 20 points

Making the students, other teachers, or the office staff laugh- 20 points

Saving trees- 20 points

Not asking Nick for weekends off as this is our busiest time and you shouldn’t have become an English teacher if you didn’t want to work weekends- 20 points

Not getting all up in my grill- 10 points

Learning the language of your students- 30 points

Going to lessons to learn the students’ language, and not speaking English in class because you should really practice what you preach- 20 points

Not telling Nick all the cool stuff you did on your Christmas holiday because he worked it so you could have one-20 points

Not supporting another teacher’s wankishness-20 points

Cleaning off your board before you leave class-10 points

Not taking the books home because other teachers need them-20 points

Reading Nick’s blog-20 points

Telling Nick you like his blog-30 points

Not wearing jeans and a t-shirt to your interview-Your first 10 points

Not giving Nick a blank stare in the interview when he asks you what you have done to develop professionally in the 6 years since you took your CELTA -You will probably get hired

Doing the happy dance- 10 points

Teaching your students how to do the happy dance- 20 points

Playing some tunes and just getting down in the staff room- 10 points

Coming to the social outings- 20 points

Chatting with the students on break- 20 points

Not planning your next hour’s lesson on the break- 20 points

Knowing all your students’ names- 20 points

Not complaining about how Nick’s Scale of Awesomeness is discriminatory and highly subjective- 30 points

Well there it is. You’ll notice the highly positive nature of the system. You can only gain points, never lose them. We refer to this as the “glass half full” policy of teacher evaluation. These points are then shared with managers around the globe. Teachers with higher rankings on the Global Index of Teacher Awesomeness are more likely to get hired, be given higher salaries, be given more time off when they want it, and, perhaps most importantly, be able to “get away with it” more often.

If any other managers think I left some out, feel free to add them below in the comments.

*I have nothing against people of the Scottish persuasion, just an ongoing joke around my office :)”

That’s straight on my list of posts for this year’s most TEFLtastic humour. Any other things you’d give points for? Care to tot up your own points and let us know? Fancy making up your own list or guest post? Comments or emails please!

Tags: guest writers, Humour

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 5th, 2010 at 1:32 pm and is filed under CELTA, CPD, ELT management, links, personal learning network, TEFL blogs, TEFL interview questions, TEFL workshops, Twitter. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.