25 ways to be the best TEFLer you can be
1. Only write in phonemic script
If you have to teach everyone else the script before they can read your will, medical reports etc, all the better!
2. Limit everything you write to Elementary level vocabulary
i.e. make sure your diary, wedding speech, job application letter, thesis, suicide note etc only use the simplest 300 English words
3. Never forget your worst lessons
There is no better way of motivating you to improve your future lessons than re-experiencing the embarrassment, discomfort and humiliation of the time when 20 minutes of Silent Way miming was met with silent stares then one student asking “Can we check our homework now?” If you don’t naturally have the kind of personality that dwells on such experiences, you could try and organize a teaching confessions workshop
4. Become a Buddhist
Not, as you might think, to help you relax through meditation (feeling paranoid about your next class is a great motivator), but rather to help you give up all desires for money, material comfort, ambition etc. This will prevent disappointment from the lack of these in a TEFL career interfering with your motivation and hence with your teaching.
5. Be positive/ Block out all negativity
Like a starting position in a negotiation, if you want to act like you really believe your two year old students will learn English before they learn their own language or how to control their bodily fluids, you should start by trying to convince yourself they will be chatting about relativity in L2 in no time. Ditto for your 75 year old false beginners dealing with English and Alzheimers and finally remembering the phrase “How do you spell it?” See this post for ideas of positive motivational mottos to mutter to yourself on the train to work.
6. Marry a fellow TEFLer
What could be more romantic than swapping warmer ideas over your cornflakes after “Getting To Know You Games” in the bedroom? Works for John and Liz Soars, who have a famously active love life even after 65 years of TEFL marriage- just don’t go to sleep before making your peace after yet more smashed plates when arguing about corpus linguistics vs native speaker intuition
7. Write all your boardwork up on different whiteboards before the beginning of the lesson
And then carry them into the classroom and attach them to the wall one by one as you need them
8. Track down all your students’ old English teachers back to primary school or kindergarten
… and check what things they studied and what TEFL games they already know
9. Choose your wedding presents carefully
Digital voice recorder- check! Laminator- check! Etc.
10. Speak slowly and carefully at all times
…including with other native speakers. Who, after all, could object to speaking clearly?
11. Only read literature as graded readers
12. Never switch off
13. Only watch movies about teachers
14. Put textbook listenings on your iPod
15. Only read newspaper articles you can use in class
16. Have Swan’s Practical English Usage as your toilet read
17. Only date people who have Elementary level English and no other shared language with you
18. Practice your grammar correction techniques on your friends and family
19 Write regular letters to newspapers and the BBC correcting journalists’ grammar
20. Move house so you live between two districts of local TEFL teaching associations and so can attend both of their meetings
21. Arrange your honeymoon so you can attend the annual TESOL conference in that country
22. Start a fan club of your favourite TEFL writer
23. Collect personal mementos of TEFL celebrities
24. Insist your cocktail party guests play Find Someone Who and 20 Questions
25. Correct all incorrect signs and notices you see
This is a sequel of sorts to 25 Ways of Getting Away with Being a Crap English Teacher. If you’d like some serious advice on either of these two topics, many many links here.
Tags: Humour, Lists, Professionalism
September 3rd, 2008 at 3:57 pm
OMG - it’s only been three weeks, but this list had me in tears I was laughing so hard.
Just today I found myself grading down my language when talking to a guy from California. LOL.