Guest writer: When I Am A TEFL Billionaire by Katie from TEFLlogue
Katie from TEFLlogue needs no introduction from me
(long awkward silence…)*
Oh, okay then. Despite complaining that she only (!) finds time to write one post a day nowadays, she is still undoubtedly the TEFL blog hostess with the mostest, and always welcome here on TEFLtastic. Not only is she sharing her wisdom with us again, it also appears she wants to share her fortune too. A big round of applause and a click below to read more:“Now that both Alex Case and Sandy (of TEFL Trade fame) are running for TEFL president, I’ve accepted the fact that I can’t compete – plus, women are cut out for important things like secretly influencing world leaders, not actually serving as president and dealing with criticism and assassination attempts when things go awry.
So, I will either serve as election reporter, providing impartial commentary, taking bribes for favorable coverage and so on, OR as Alex’s Vice President of Hot Drinks. Maybe both. I feel sure that either option will lead to considerable financial success. As such, when I am a TEFL billionaire, I will provide:
1. Espresso machines, milk steamers, and real cups for every teachers’ room…no more of this plastic or heaven forbid Styrofoam business and NesCafe. Accordingly, certification as a barista will now be an optional week-long add on to the CELTA.
2. A year-long sabbatical in the exotic location of your choice if you complete a one-year contract in Korea (two consecutive years with one employer required for non-Korea locales).
3. Pencil sharpeners for every school. Electric ones.
4. A seminar instructing new teachers how to write in the teachers’ room copy of textbooks softly, in pencil (which will be readily available thanks to Article 3), and then erasing.
5. Okay, the time spend erasing everything at the end of the term will be paid as admin time to ensure it actually happens.
6. Computers in the classroom would be pushing it, especially in Europe, but CD players are a good start. At least one reliable, non-dial-up Internet connection reserved for teacher use.
7. Board pens with refills in every school, all the time. Furthermore, whiteboards everywhere – blackboards and chalk will become remnants of another age as they should be already.
8. Free throat lozenges and psychological counseling for those who teach children.
A full-time former (i.e. disgruntled) TEFL-er who will travel from one language school to the next, cleaning out the nasty refrigerator in each. Another similar position will be developed for a handy-person who will fix the self-locking door to the teachers room that is always either broken or stuck shut.
In the style of the sushi restaurant, a conveyor belt which brings healthy snacks and Diet Coke and/or Coca Cola Light through every teachers’ room on breaks.
A staff of real EFL teachers – as opposed to textbook writers – in a few locations on each continent to create engaging and useful lessons based on current events, television shows, movies and documentaries.
An unlimited fund dedicated to lobbying for the outlaw of the CELTA application fee. [ALEX: how about that nomination for VP of Hot Drinks now?] ”
Haven’t done your chances any harm Katie, unless of course that was a sneaky underhand Michael Bloomberg-like attempt to feel out your chances of running for TEFL World President yourself…
*Not sure if that joke works in print…. If anyone can let me know, as well as if they know where I ripped it off from (the Simpsons?? Futurama??), much appreciated.