Posts Tagged ‘Japan/ Japanese students’

As much as I like making random sweeping statements about the various different nations and nationalities I have got to know over the world, the real interest for me lies in comparing the different places it is possible to live and teach English- including the ones I don’t know. Many such discussions are possible, but the (often unspoken) thing that is always at the back of the minds of people when speaking about this is: which country is better? And which is the best? A difficult question to answer? Yes- until now!

The key to working out a scientific method to calculate the best country for teachers was to ask myself, what other things can I make an 100% certain answer to the question “Which place is best” about? Art galleries? Nah! Restaurants? Getting closer… Ah ha! Bars!

And so was born the World TEFL Beer Index. By people living in different countries answering the questions below and adding up their points, we will collectively be able to decide once and for all which the best TEFL country in the world is. Here we go:

1. Assuming you had no expenses at all, not even food and rent, how many litres of the cheapest beer in the cheapest bar (not restaurant and not from a shop) could you buy with a typical monthly starting teacher’s salary? (Tokyo- 250,000 yen, 800 yen a litre= about 313 litres)
2. Ditto, but this time for a very swanky bar in a posh part of town (Tokyo= 71)
3. Ditto, but for the cheapest local beer in cans or bottles (500)
4. If a Guiness is 1 (little hangover likely) and homemade scrumpy cider is a 10 (hangover guaranteed, even if you just have one, with death possible), how bad a hangover does the local cheap brew tend to give? (6)
5. Ditto, with a local quality brand (3)
6. How many minutes do you have to walk from where you live to buy beer? (12)
7. How many hours a day is that place closed? (0)
8. How much does a cheap but liveable single flat cost, in erms of number of cheap local beers in a bar? (Tokyo- 57,000 at 800 yen a litre= 69 litres)
9. If you go drinking in a cheap bar, how many times a night are you likely to have to speak to someone you don’t want to? (1)
10. How many beers are a local lady or gent who fancies you likely to need before they will start a conversation with you? (6)
11. Ditto, but for a snog (10)
12. Ditto, but for a snog with a stunner (12)
13. How much will the locals’ opinion of you go up or down with each litre of beer you drink? (plus or minus percent) (+5)
14. If you are drinking with the locals, by how many litres of beer and you likely to have to change your input to fit in with the others? (2)
15. How many places are there likely to be for you to crash if you can’t get home after drinking? (2)
16. How much will the most expensive one cost? (In litres of cheap beer in a bar) (13)
17. How much will the cheapest one cost? (Ditto) (zero)
18. How many hours a day are normal bars closed for? (12)
19. How many hours a day are bars with longer hours closed for? (12)

Click on “comments” to see the marking scheme:

As this is a family site (meaning only my family ever look at it), will not be including any ATPR* language learning videos. I have, though, found a classic TPRA* video that we can all enjoy in our various ways:

The best bit for me is the old random gaijin* at the end. Where did they find him- in the grave???

I laughed until I nearly cried, and then I stopped and thought- it’s a crazy idea, but it might just work! Would certainly get the attention of the notoriously tough salaryman market, anyway.

In the interests of complete fairness I should also say that crazy (genuis?) programmes like this do not come up on Japanese TV as often as you might think from watching exerpts abroad (you should see their favourite clips from British, Australian and American TV!). From the haircuts and air of slightly pervy innocence, this one almost certainly comes from the 80’s.

*ATPR (Adult Total Physical Response)- termed derived from the Japanese English expression AV- “Adult” videos, knudge knudge, wink wink, know what I mean?). An attempt at using the ultimate motivation to improve language learning through movement

TPR- Total physical response- Beginning students learn the language by responding only physically to verbal prompts until they feel ready to begin speaking themselves. Said to be similar to how a baby learns L1.

*TPRA (Total Physical Response for Adults)- using activities like the song “YMCA” with actions with classes such as Business English. This ultimate proof of English teaching technique is often used near the end of a TEFL career.

*Random gaijin- a foreign person who is only included in the advertisement/ party/ company roster etc. because during one meeting the boss said “We could use a gaijin”, and because no more details were given they just chose one at random

It’s called Rose and Camellia, apparently, and it is so unlike anything I have ever seen before I can honestly think of nothing more to say about it at all. Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOd4GlpTVnY

Came across it through the fabulously strange TV in Japan site. I know weird Japanese TV is a bit of a cliche, and it’s not all like that of course. But after all, you don’t watch Japanese TV for the method acting or the social realism, do you?

Whoever can watch something like this (assuming it’s really Japanese) the Japanese ads for Coke Zero (the funniest on Youtube- check out the alternative salaryman summer ‘Cool Biz’ suits and the modern samurai chonmage hairstyle!) and still think the Japanese don’t have a sense of humour really doesn’t understand irony. What country was Alanis Morisette from again? Not Japanese, I think you’ll find…

agreement- Verbs matching their pronouns, e.g. third person -s. If students make mistakes with this you can prompt them using this technical term, e.g. Student “My sister she get up at six and thirty” Teacher “Agreement” S “Sorry?” T “Your verb and pronoun disagree” “Eh?” “I said, your verb and the word before it are having a bit of a row” “What??” “If you don’t change that verb ending soon it’s going to come to blows, I’m telling you” “This teacher, he explain very bad” “Oh dear. Agreement!” etc.

ALT (Alien Language Teacher)- a native speaking assistant teacher who helps give lessons in Junior High schools etc. Not to be confused with ALF (Alien Language Friend)- someone who gives informal English conversation lessons in cafes.

approximants- Sounds that are as close as your students are ever going to get to native speaker pronunciation of English, e.g. a sound that is somewhere between an /r/, /l/ and /w/ but is at least usually identifiable as only one of those sounds.

assimilation- A form of connected speech where a sound in a word is modified by its neighbours, e.g. by being forced to buy a computer operated sprinkler because the sound next door has one

back-reference- The technical term for bitching about someone when they are not there, e.g. “Have you heard the news? It seems he’s one of them too!”

CALL (Computer assisted language learning- pronounced /kal/)- An intermediate step on the way to TELL (totally electronic language learning) and HAL (hologram assisted learning).

CMC (Computer-mediated communication)- When everything the teacher says goes through the students’ electronic dictionaries before it is accepted as true

complexity- How much of a complex students have about using things like conjuctions and pronouns for back-reference

compound sentence- A sentence with two or more clauses, usually long like the protective wall around the foreigner compounds teachers in Saudi live in

compounding- A way of forming words by combining two or more nouns or adjectives. Not to be confused with “pounding“, which is the technical term for when a student makes endless identical failed efforts at pronouncing a word until the teacher screams at them to stop

concord- Another name for agreement, such as agreeing to add an -e onto the end of the supersonic plane name just to make the French shut up for a minute

connected speech- When the student who always starts long monologues about random topics manages, by some fluke, to say something perfectly connected to what you want to do next in the lesson

connotation- The good, bad, humurous, old-fashioned etc. associations of words and expressions. The word “connotation” is derived from the French word “con”, which is a nice way of saying “bloody stupid”

fricatives- Sounds that are produced by friction. The word “fricative” is derived from the eupheumism “fricking”, and was originally used only to mean the insulting “raspberry” sound produced with your tongue

hybrid language learning- When strong students help weaker ones not just by explaining grammar but by contributing some of their genes with the use of modern classroom cloning technology (as yet only available at the British Council)

Juncture- The age of the rule of the Junker class in Germany, who were famous for pausing between each and every word to give them all a suitably strong Germanic emphasis

liaison- When an extra sound between a final vowel and the first sound of the next word passes notes back and forward between those two sounds until they get together for some really hot connected speech

non-voiced- Negative feedback to using games in class that doesn’t come out until the end-of-course feedback form because they always seem to be having fun

plosive sounds- The sounds students make just before they explode with frustration, e.g. the first four sounds in “bu bu bu bu..but I DID do my homework!!”

schema- A scheme or plot that is very complex and intelligent, hence the use of Latin to describe it

vowels- Sounds that are made without any significant obstruction or constriction. The word is derived by shortening the phrase “v(ery loose b)owels”

(Full list of the Alternative ELT Jargon Dictionary available on the Articles page above)

Don’t know if the exploding posh hot springs resort in Shibuya (of 8 directions at once crossing and Lost in Translation karaoke fame) made the news abroad. It was another quiet news day in Japan (apparently news of Africa cannot reach east of the Maldives due to some physical law or another), so we were convinced it was a yakuza hit and on the edge of our seats. But it was not to be, just pure incompetence.

Much as I might have been confused and interested by a story of built up volcanic gases destroying a shopping centre a couple of years ago, I lost interest pretty quickly in this one due to no surprises- neither the incompetence that lead to the explosion (the Japanese are as serious and hard-working as they could possibly be, but if their boss isn’t focused on safety neither are they) nor the fact that there as a hot springs resort in the equivalent of Trafalgar Square.

The Japanese really do love their mineral baths. One theory* of why is that they can’t actually relax unless they are told it is good for you and virtually a moral duty to do so. Hence the fact that you can’t reply “Oh no, that’s fine. I enjoyed it” when your boss thanks you for doing some work and you have to make strange noises all the time to show how much effort you are making. And hence the appeal of doing something right and sitting around in radioactive water etc.

And so it often is in the language classroom. As they know they are doing something they should (learning English), they finally feel they can justify chatting, relaxing and generally enjoying themselves. However, they certainly won’t be saying that is their motivation if you ask them, hence the difficulty of doing needs analysis in Japan and students who keep on asking for more homework but not doing any of it.

There might be some everyday human good intentions seeing the light of day there, of course, but where is the fun in not making gross generalisations???

That will officially be the only Google search result for “exploding baths and English teaching”. Coming up next- “Bananas and error correction”

* Vague summary of what I remember from the book “Getting Wet- Adventures in the Japanese Bath”, Eric Talmadge, Kodansha. Highly recommended for those who wonder what the appeal of getting naked and pink with strangers of the same sex could be

Just read a very convincing explanation of why the Warmlet (warms your arse) and Washlet (cleans it) are so popular in Japan, and why the Massagelet must be just around the corner. The theory goes that as western style (non-squatting) toilets became popular at the same time as the video recorder people expected the same amount of functions from both. From the excellent book “Shinohata”, about 20 years of change in a Japanese village.

 That only leaves me with about 120 “Why on earth…?” questions about Japan now.

The rainy season (tsuyu) is completely screwed this year. In fact, every year since I got to Japan I’ve been told that “The weather this year is strange”, same as “The cherry blossom this year is early/late”. This may well be true, but I think it is much more a case of the Japanese wanting the weather to be as predictable as the train timetable. At times the whole country seems set up to make sure there are no surprises- I wonder how many Japanese people would be able to tell that Radiohead are being sarcastic in the “No Surprises” song (but then again, how many Americans thought The One I Love by REM was a love song??)

And the same most assuredly goes for lessons. With anything less than a year of careful learner training, skipping around in the textbook is likely to cause something between a mild flurry and complete panic depending on the age of the students.

Primary school students are generally fine for the first few years, taking surprises and new stuff as all part of the fun. Then the Japanese education system gets to work and the idea of skipping reading the instructions and just doing what your teacher says brings on increasing incomprehension and stress. One theory has it that the Japanese establishment has decided to keep kanji (Chinese characters) mainly because learning it means learning this unquestioning approach. The good news is that as my teenage college students are learning to cope with all this new and unexpected stuff in class, I really think I am teaching them a skill they are going to need when they get to Australia, NZ and the UK.

Someone else took their frustration out on the world by choosing rush hour to dive in front of the Tokyo-bound train again this morning. That’s one way of coping with pressure, I guess. It all makes me wonder- any Japanese people ever been so shy about speaking English in class they took the ultimate escape instead? The closest thing I have heard is an urban myth going round at my university that the reason the tower in the campus square was closed to visitors was that two Chinese students had taken a jump off it together, and then there is the classic story of people topping themselves off with a pencil during the exam…

I’ve certainly had Japanese students who seemed stressed enough in the class, starting with “Takeshi” on my first teaching course (CELTA). If you asked him a question he didn’t know but thought he should he would start drilling into the middle of his forehead with a knuckle and grunting, as if he was trying to physically pull the idea out of his head- and which point all the trainee teachers learnt about not putting too much focus on one student and letting the other students help him. Don’t know if he was asked to act up by the trainers to make sure we didn’t forget that important teaching point, but I might try that tactic next time I am a teacher trainer on the CELTA. You could have one student who pretends to have a panic attack everytime a grammar explanation was unclear, one student who falls asleep everytime the teacher drones on for 5 minutes without giving the students a chance to speak etc. etc. It’ll be like the SAS EFL training course. Coming soon!

Immoral? Insensitive? Ungrammatical? Let me know by clicking below:

In today’s International Herald Tribune, Tokyo is said to be the 4th most livable city in the world and the most livable large one- the top three being Munich, Copenhagen and Zurich and all pretty damn small, if not as claustrophobically tiny as Dublin. I don’t know if the high ranking of Tokyo surprises any of you, whether you have or haven’t been here, but I am an unabashed Tokyo lover and so more unbelieving that anywhere in or near Switzsnoreland could come even close.

Reading between the lines of the article,

(more…)

Teaching (college student) teenagers again despite my best efforts to avoid it, there is one factor in the classroom that stands out more than other kinds of classes and, subtly or sometimes not so subtly, affects the classroom dynamic of almost every class. This certain something would, however, under no circumstances get a mention if my lesson was observed and is not written about in any books on teaching English I have ever seen. This is the totally taboo TEFL teaching factor X.

In this case, the X factor we are supposed to ignore manifests itself as a couple of starry eyed girls who are working hard in my class for reasons not connected to my lesson plans, whilst others no doubt perk up and do their homework much more for the blond teacher in their British culture class- and not due to his skills in using pairwork. And many of them are specifically planning to use their language skills to get a western boyfriend when they live abroad next year- you won’t see that written on your average needs analysis interview form!

Another more extreme example was a Belgian female student that picked up on every mistake a Brazilian student made after she saw us chatting outside the school gates. On the other side of the coin, I’ve had several very shy students who would most certainly come out of their shell a bit more if there were no people of the other sex in the class at all. I can think of one particular one-to-one student who I really wanted to tell my boss to find a female teacher for, but somehow felt it was something I couldn’t say.

Of course, I am not the first teacher to notice this and it does in fact get mentioned- by lecherous teachers who’ve had a few too many down the gaijin (ex-pat) pub. Which is one reason why the rest of us try our best to blank the whole factor out. But surely, if my female students want to be able to mix with their British counterparts in Liverpool or Folkestone on a Saturday night (ｇod help them) they are going to need to be able to say they “fancy someone”. In fact, if they want to bond with some of their British female sisters they are going to need to be able to mention specific pieces of body vocabulary that I will certainly not be mentioning near my students! But if I knew of a vocab book of slang that filled in the holes in my classroom syllabus I guess I could approach it that way?? I guess what I am thinking of is an all-female discussion class once a term or a book like “Taboos and Issues”, but with the topics chosen by what the students will need to be aware of and able to talk about rather than what teachers want them to be aware of.

As far as tackling difficult stuff in the classroom goes, slang for vomiting (you should see their faces when they click what a “pavement pizza” is) is about as far as I go, and probably further than my boss would like me to…

Other reasons to tackle this subject: differences in dating culture and personal safety when they go abroad. The most satisfying moment in the classroom is when you help a student understand something they had completely eluded them before and they will always wonder have they ever lived without- my best one being when one Russian student in London found out that “come up for a coffee” is very different from “would you like a cup of tea?”. We never learnt the story behind the look of shock and sudden comprehension on her face…

One other connected unmentioned taboo: some schools in Japan (not mine), only employ male teachers because they know it keeps the main housewife/ OL (”office lady”) customers happy. Whether they have to pretend to be single like members of a boy band I am not sure…

Comments? Advice? Disbelief that a 19 year old could fancy me? Write it all below: