Posts Tagged ‘Humour’

Here is another attempt of mine to cope with my complete lack of language learning motivation, Playstation-generation attention span and need for something new every couple of hours. And the new method is- trying to find as many rude things in the language as I can… Not a method that many schools advocate, but I think they might be missing out on a real motivator with teenage classes!

As with My Lonely Planet Is Full of Eels, all the sentences below come straight out of the Lonely Planet Korean phrasebook but it is no reflection on this rather useful publication that I found the things below amusing and so learnt them easier that way:

han-gugesonun igol ottok’e haeyo? = How do you do this in your country?

hajinun ank’o pogiman halkkeyo = I don’t mind watching, but I’d prefer not to participate (more…)

96. “Sick of our dirty classrooms? Home lessons available for just 50% more!”
97. “And your thought only pizza delivery boys would travel all the way to your house！”
98. “Our 100th international branch right here in your town is in a newer building than our Rome branch, less expensive than our London branch, more flexible than our Frankfurt branch, cleaner than our Naples branch, and with more polite staff than our Paris branch”
99. “We make illegal copies so you don’t have to” (more…)

Did you know that what you dream about can tell you what will happen in your classes? Try reading the descriptions below and in Part One to find something you have dreamed about, and then write it in the aims section of your observed lesson’s lesson plan…

What animals in your dreams tell you about your future lessons:

A dog/ a moose - you will have an exceedingly ugly student with a crush on you
 
Horses - you will be distracted from your grammar explanations etc. by a student’s extremely odd teeth

Cats- One of your students will start singing along unprompted when you do Tom’s Diner in your Present Continuous lesson

A flying bird- You will escape TEFL

Rats- The management of your school will leave as they find out about the financial problems in the company, without telling any of the teachers

Parrots - Too much drilling will make your students repeat everything you say, including questions and game instructions
 
Ants - Your boss will introduce even more paperwork aimed at standardizing lessons
 
Bees/ wasps - Your seemingly happy students will complain about too many games in the end of term feedback sheets
 
Bears- One student will be so disgusted by the chest hair showing when you wear an open collar shirt that they will ask to change classes
 
Hyenas - A student with a loud laugh that distracts the other groups will join the class

“CELTA is a faraway planet populated by descendants of space travelers. Paranormal ‘gifts’ are called Flair here and vary by… type and strength. A caste system based on those strengths has come about over the centuries…” (more…)

70. ”If you want to chatter away in your own language, what the hell- you’re paying!”
71. ”We’ve found the dead rat under classroom 7B”
72. ”We will keep your teacher’s passport until you pass the FCE”
73. ”You just never know what will happen in the next class!” (more…)

“…great powers do not go to war against other heavily armed great powers just to settle… linguistic rivalries” (more…)

Here are some actual sentences taught in the Lonely Planet Korean phrasebook which, while not quite “My hovercraft is full of eels”, tickled me once I realised that trying to find silliness was another whole motivation for using language learning materials. If it doesn’t amuse you so much first off (and you don’t have the more sensible motivation of learning Korean), try picturing saying these things to immigration or the receptionist in your hotel:

p’ibu e t’ongjung-i issoyo = I have a pain in my skin
 
maengjangul umjigilsuga opsoyo = I can’t move my appendix

chon changnogyo indeyo, kohoenun chal annagayo = I’m a Presbyterian, but I’m not practicising

imshinjung ishin-gayo? = (more…)

What elements of your dreams tell you about your TEFLing future:

Suddenly realising you have no clothes on - you will realise halfway through your next improvised grammar explanation that it doesn’t make any sense
 
Water - You will desperately need to go for a pee halfway through your first lesson the next day
 
Falling and falling then waking up - you will be rescued from a difficult question by the end of lesson bell
 
Doing the same thing over and over - your school will again refuse to switch to New Headway next year, even though the rest of the world is on the Third Edition
 
A cold wind - you will walk into class with your flies open

Being chased - one of your housewife students (more…)

Innateness hypothesis- The theory that studying English is inherently boring, so why bother with games. See also “Inaneness hypothesis”*

Input- The theory that the language we expose students to should be as carefully chosen as when programming a computer or doing data input, although most experts agree that the metaphor works best if we picture the teacher trying to type with a couple of sledge hammers

Input enhancement- Using a gold plated jack on the classroom tape recorder

Intercambio de Lenguas- Spanish for “exchanging tongues”, often involving conversation exchange and its more literal translation

Interface- Also known as “innerface”, the internal cringing (more…)

45. ”Our incompetent teachers will make you feel better about yourself”
46. ”Certificate of achievement for all students who are actually still around at the end of the course”
47. ”Guaranteed students who are a much higher level in each class to explain anything the teacher can’t”
48. ”To guarantee an English-only class, we only employ teachers who have been here for years without learning a word of the language”
49. ”Guaranteed smaller class sizes by the end of term 1″ (more…)